I read an article the other day from Jay Shetty about couples losing the spark and getting bored in the relationship. With date night so often consisting of dinner and a movie or take-out and Netflix, I can totally see how getting into a rut becomes easy. Especially with streaming, its so easy to stay in when there is always something to watch.
At the beginning of a relationship, there’s energy and excitement. Most importantly there is effort and creativity. But eventually, the daily grind of life gets the better of us and passions and intimacy can take a backseat to everyday life.
Here are 5 ways to keep the relationship on course, filled with energy and excitement and to your connection strong!
Share More of Yourself
Jay Shetty says “Studies show that as we become more vulnerable with people, the closer they feel to us, and the closer we feel to them. This is why you don’t tell your life story to a stranger or someone you’ve just met.”
Sharing your innermost self with your partner deepens the bond between you. Vulnerability and intimacy go hand in hand. It’s your responsibility to educate your partner more about you, as much as we want them to, our partners can’t read our mind.
Vulnerability is a hard space for many of us to understand or even get to. I know for me when I was first working with a relationship coach he told me the more vulnerable you are the more people will connect to you, and I thought he was CRAZY! I grew up with idea that when you share your feelings people will think you’re “needy” or no one wants to hear anything from you unless is fun and upbeat. But then David, (my coach) asked me, “what happens when you are sitting with someone and they are telling you something happening in their life or a story and they start to cry… what do you do?” Ofcourse I said I hug them, or I care about them, I want to help them or I’m concerned. And that’s when the ah-ha moment happened…. When someone is vulnerable and real and honest about who they are, its doesn’t repel you…. it brings you closer to them and you feel for them, you connect with them more! That my friends is the power of being vulnerable, its not whiney or needy or a moment to complain, its raw and honest emotions that make us human and when you’re vulnerable you’re inviting someone to connect more intimately with you.
Keep It Fresh
It is great to carve out time for date night, but when it becomes the same thing repeatedly, it can lose its luster and may take a toll towards boredom.
Getting stuck in the same date night routine doesn’t give you much opportunity to learn anything new about your partner. You might be together physically, but not actually connecting.
Or how about this scenario, having small talk at the dinner table, but eventually, it turns into both of you scrolling social media on your phones to pass the time until your meal arrives, or watching the TV in the distance at the restaurant. With phones and TV so easily present where ever we are is easy to get lazy or distracted and not have to put in the effort.
One thing you can try is to keep it fresh and try new things. Doing new things is important, because in that new you learn something new about your partner.The key is to try something new for both of you so you’re both able to learn something new about each other. It doesn’t matter if you are on your first or 100th date. Doing something new together is a great way to create a connection. Also, when you’re doing something new you will most likely have to be a little outside your comfort zone and when you are exposing yourself you have the opportunity to create genuine connection.
Work Together on a Project
Take the idea of trying something new for date night one step further and tackle a project together. Too often, our lives become separate.
Giving yourselves something to work on together deepens intimacy and commitment to each other as you strive to reach the goal you set together.
“As a couple in a relationship, you have to achieve things together,” Jay Shetty explains. “A project gives you a very tangible, short-term goal or a long-term goal that prioritizes and focuses your connection on something meaningful.”
The Five Es to Create Intimacy
And last but not least I thought these were such great suggestions taken from Jay Shetty’s IG and worth sharing!
- Experiments – Experiment with new things together. Try out an escape room or go to a tasting session.
- Experiences – Try a new dish, or take a dance class together. Check out a new venue, or visit a new city together. Experiencing new things together is exciting.
- Events – When was the last time you went to a new event together? An event is something you can discuss and review with each other.
- Education – Learn something new together. Take a course or a workshop together to learn a new skill or gain knowledge.
- Entertainment – Find a form of entertainment you enjoy together. Maybe you have a show you only watch together or a game you play to pass the time. It’s healthy to engage in entertainment together.