I’m gonna keep this short and simple. Before Shaun and I got married I sought out a dating coach. Dating after 35 is no joke and it can be super complicated and frustrating and every one is bringing to the table so many different issues or perspectives or expectations or even just comparison to people they have dated in the past. Obviously you don’t get to 42 without being married without sustaining some issues and as women one of the main things we love to do is… talk about our relationships. So I felt strong about getting some perspective from a coach who has had 100% success rate in helping all her clients get married. Working with her was so helpful and really helped me get my head screwed on straight in some pretty important categories.
The one thing she said in the beginning is she tells all her clients to stop talking about their dating life people (especially their parents). Think about it, your parents haven’t dated in what, 20-30 years. It is a completely different experience today than it was when they were dating and you are not navigating the same waters.
Also, any time you are talking to someone about what’s happening in your relationship, they are going to give you their advice or opinions based completely on their own personal experiences. And what works or doesn’t work for them may be entirely different from where you are at or going through. Now I’m not saying you can’t talked to friends about any of it, but what I am saying is be really careful to understand that they are filtering their advice based on their experience and so take the wisdom in the situation and the principle and see if it applies to you and your situation, and see if it feels good to you… and if it doesn’t… throw it out the window!
Just know the more you talk about your stuff with others the more you are inviting people to give opinions and weigh in on things that they may not know the full scenario and it just creates a place for drama and confusion and a lot of noise… So the best thing I can say and what I did was to clear out that noise, stop talking about every facet of your dating life with your family and friends and start talking to yourself. Sit in silence and really listen to what your own intuition is telling you to do and then trust it!
You have all the answers inside of you…you are the only person who truly knows what’s right for you and the best path, you just have to be brave and willing to act on it.
No two stories are ever the same and what works for some may definitely not work for others. You have to listen to your own instincts. Listen and trust your intuition.
Also, timing matters. The end!